Going back to work has never been a priority, despite having stressful days where I feel like getting away for a day (or even a few hours) would help. Those days when Bella was stuck to my hip non stop and no matter what I do she cries or whinges. But those days are such a small minority, once they have passed I’m quite happy being at home with her.

After toying with the idea of going back to work for months, I finally got a job, 1 day a week. Nothing major. Just to see how it went. My nerves and apprehension didn’t kick in till about an hour before my mum picked Bella up. 

She went and I had a little sob and the nerves got worse. My friend picked me up and we went together, chatting in the car I felt better, my nerves slowly eased. I had a wobble in work but it soon passed. The day went great, I was praised by the owners and everyone was surprised at how well I took to the job.

I hear a lot of mum’s saying ‘I want to feel like me again’ or ‘I want to get back to my old life’ or even ‘going back to work is my me time, for not being just ‘mum”. And tonight got me thinking. Do I want this? Or do I feel obliged to do this? Do I want my life back like so many other mums?

Honestly, no. Why would I want to go back to ‘the old me’? My friend said ‘but it will be good for you, and for Bella’. I’m sure Bella would agree, grandma gave her chocolate and all sorts of treats she wouldn’t normally have 😂 and that’s fine, I guess it’s what grandmas are for.

But what about me? I’m a mum now, that’s my job. I’m not that same person anymore. By all means, go back to work if you have to or if you want to. But surely you should go back to be a better parent and provide a good life for your child. Not to ‘get back the old me’. I chose to become a mum, and it’s not something you turn on and off. 

I want to find a better way to be a mum. That is my main role, and I am proud of it. I’m not ‘just a mum’. I’m still me, but ‘me’ has developed. And I need to continue developing, not trying to go back. If I continue to work, it will be for Bella, and she will be in the back of my mind the whole time, because I’m doing it for her, not me.

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